Life and Death
by Hayleekins
Summary: Panic was swelling in her stomach like an over-sized balloon. She had rushed to the hospital wing with tears threatening to spill over. She knew who the victim was without really knowing how she knew. She had seen the body, she had seen the scene play out below her. Her gut twisted again as she stepped through the doorway.


Panic was swelling in her stomach like an over-sized balloon. She had rushed to the hospital wing with tears threatening to spill over. She knew who the victim was without really knowing how she knew. She had seen the body, she had seen the scene play out below her. Her gut twisted again as she stepped through the doorway and she was met with a flurry of activity. Madam Pomfrey, the young matron, was already bustling around her newest patient. When she noticed Lily Evans in the doorway, she immediately shooed her away and summoned curtains to cover her patients. Lily downright refused to leave the hospital wing. Neither would Sirius Black, who had gotten there minutes before Lily had, carrying the motionless body of James Potter.

"If you're going to stay then get out of my bloody way!" Madam Pomfrey said frantically, obviously frazzled by the sudden appearance of the badly bloodied boy. Sirius surrendered silently and retreated to the doorway where Lily was standing shocked.

"What the hell happened?" Lily hissed, pulling Sirius out of earshot. She doubted Madam Pomfrey would be eavesdropping on them while she was busy with her patients, but if what she suspected was true, she didn't want to risk it.

"It was an accident, a really bad accident," Sirius muttered, running a hand through his sweat-drenched hair. "There was an attack, an animal attack." He stumbled, and looked at Lily with alarm.

"Don't play stupid with me Black, I know about Remus," She paused, waiting to gauge Sirius' reaction. He didn't disappoint; he looked a mix of outraged and surprised.

"James told you?" He said harshly, to which Lily shushed him.

"No! I didn't need anyone to tell me. I could easily recognize the signs," Sirius raised his eyebrows, so she divulged. "He was always absent during full moons. He's irritated the days before, and exhausted the days after. I mean, I didn't realize it coincided with lunar phases until early last year, and the only reason I did notice was completely accidental."

"So… You've known since last year? And you never said anything to anyone?"

"Of course I didn't say anything! That would completely betray my friendship with Remus. I figured he'd tell me when the time was right, or when he was comfortable telling me."

"And you didn't tell… anyone else?" Sirius' voice implied more, and immediately ticked Lily off.

"If you mean did I tell Severus?" Sirius winced slightly at her words, which surprised Lily. Her voice had been slightly biting, but not enough to warrant that kind of reaction. "I never told him, but he had his speculations. He's never particularly liked you guys if you haven't noticed, and if he could find any dirt on any one of you, he'd be more than happy." She paused for a moment. "Why do you ask?"

Before he could answer, Madam Pomfrey had appeared in front of them again. "Miss Evans, Mr. Black." Her face was anxious but her voice remained calm. "Mister Potter is resting now. His condition…" Her voice faded slightly, and she looked alarmingly worried. "He sustained major injuries. There were deep cuts on his chest and face and he's lost a lot of blood. I healed the cuts, but they were very deep, I can't replace that much blood in such a short time. Also it would appear that he took a very heavy blow to the back of the head. He had multiple broken ribs which punctured organs and caused internal bleeding. I've already mended his multiple broken bones, but the bleeding is much more difficult to treat." Lily choked on a sob, which caused Madam Pomfrey to pause. She put a sympathetic hand on the young girls shoulder before continuing.

"I've given him a healing potion and done my best to heal the spots where I assume the bleeding is coming from. He's in a sedated sleep so that the potion can do its work. I can't guarantee that the potion will completely heal him. If his body rejects the potion, or the potion does not completely stop the bleeding, he may not make it..." A heavy silence hung in the room.

"Is there anything else you can do? Can we transport him to Saint Mungo's?" Sirius sounded desperate.

"Mr. Black, I've been trained and working at Saint Mungo's for over eight years. I was known as one of the best healers Mungo's had to offer. There's nothing more they could do there that I could not do here. In addition, I'm too afraid to move him to transport him. Any jostling can make the bleeding worse. I assure you, this is the best that can be done for Mr. Potter." She gave each of them one last lingering look before giving them a moment of privacy with their friend.

Lily stood motionless for a moment. The tears had overwhelmed her and she didn't know what to do about it. Sirius hardly spared her a look before going to the bedside of James. Lily watched him as he sat down heavily in a chair pulled beside the bed. He looked incredibly tired and scared. She didn't want to see how James looked.

"I've got to go," Lily said abruptly, her voice too loud in the quiet space. "I left in the middle of my patrol, I was supposed to check in with Darrius and Mickle, the prefects taking the next shift…" She trailed off, avoiding Sirius' gaze. She left before Sirius could respond.

Lily stopped outside of the hospital wing. Leaning against the closest wall, she let the sobs take control of her body once more. She cried more than she thought she would have; she and James were never really friends, especially after what happened last year, but the thought of him dying was unacceptable. She refused to let herself think about why.

Once she had control of herself again, she decided to go to McGonagall's office. Her watch said that it was already ten minutes to five in the morning, but the head of house should be alerted to the severe injuries her pupils were suffering. She made a mental note to catch up with Erin Darrius and Alfred Mickle as soon as she could after that. She was too consumed with her mental plans to pay attention to the moving shadows ahead of her.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, before a hand quickly came over her mouth to smother her protests. She whipped around to face her attacker, wand quickly raised to illuminate the shadows. She was met with the face of Severus Snape. "Bloody hell Sev, you scared the hell out of me!" In her surprise, she used her old nickname for him. His face softened somewhat in response, and hers hardened.

"I'm sorry Lily, I just wanted to talk to you," He paused for a moment and his eyes darkened. "I need to warn you."

"I don't need any help from you Snape." She said coldly, but something about his tone greatly worried Lily, which she tried to hide. "Now if you excuse me, I need to speak to McGonagall." They were only a few corridors away from the professor's office now.

"No, you don't need to speak with her, we need to go speak to Dumbledore. Lily, you don't understand the danger you're in! Tonight, I was almost killed Lily, does that mean anything to you?" She stopped trying to tug away from him. "Listen. I had seen something strange, and I just had to investigate! That Lupin, I happened to see him and Madam Pomfrey going into the Shrieking Shack one day. I watched for a while, and Pomfrey returned but Lupin didn't! I know that sounds crazy okay but I saw it with my own eyes! And then I overheard Black talking to Pettigrew yesterday, saying that there's a secret passageway to the Shack from underneath the Whomping Willow, and that there's a secret way to get passed the tree! I knew there must be some juicy secret that they're all trying to hide, so I went to investigate." Severus was very worked up and talking incredibly fast.

"Oh my Merlin." Lily said quietly, starting to piece the situation together. A feeling of horror was growing in her stomach.

"That's not all! I had just gotten passed the Willow, just as Black had said, and I saw the secret passageway. You'll never believe what I saw down there Lily, I'm still reeling from it! It was bloody terrifying! It was this, this wild beast! It made these feral noises, these guttural sounds that sends shivers down your whole spine! It was a werewolf Lily, I knew it! I told you! It stood up on its hind legs and stared at me. Oh Merlin I was petrified, I couldn't move. It got down on all fours and I just knew it was about to attack."

"How are you still standing here?" Her voice sounded small.

"Well," He seemed reluctant to disclose this. "I was yanked out of the passageway by Potter. He pulled me out and started shouting at me and full blown freaking out. And then this thing emerges from the hole, and Potter has his back to it, and I can't say anything but I guess my face gave me away. Before he could turn around or run away the beast swiped a huge paw at him. Merlin I didn't look to see what happened next, I was bloody out of there!"

"And Potter?" Her voice was low.

"I don't know! I mean he was obviously in on this whole scheme, how else did he know where I'd be?" He looked at Lily confused. "Didn't you hear what I said Lily? Remus Lupin is a werewolf! We need to go to Dumbledore, we need to report this! The whole school is in danger because that monster is allowed to roam around!" He was so worked up that he didn't see Lily's right hook until he was already on the ground.

"How dare you! Remus Lupin is the kindest, most generous, sweetest man I've ever met! I don't care about his lycanthropy, that doesn't change who he is. He's the guy who patiently tutors younger students for hours on end. He's the guy who treats everyone fairly and is always looking out for the underdog. He's the one who carried Velma Ascard to the hospital wing after she fell off her broom during last year's House Cup final. He escorts intoxicated students back to their common rooms after a party. Don't you dare call him a monster!" She stomped off without another word, and Severus was too stunned to say anything.

Fuming and furious, she approached McGonagall's door without a moment of hesitation. She rapt twice, and waited, still muttering about the idiocy of humanity. McGonagall answered after a minute, her hair hanging loose on her shoulders. In that instant, Lily remembered the reason she came to McGonagall's door in the first place. She felt the fire inside of her put out by an oncoming rain storm.

"I'm terribly sorry to call at this time of morning, but this is an urgent issue. The early hours of this morning, there was a terrible accident. James is in the hospital wing, and Madam Pomfrey… She's doing all she can. She has doubts though… She isn't sure he'll make it." Her voice broke on the last sentence, but she refused to let herself cry anymore, especially not in front of her head of house. She watched the unembarrassed anguish on her professor's face before she composed herself.

"Thank you for coming to tell me Miss Evans," She said, wrapping her night robe tighter around herself. "I'll go speak to the Headmaster right away, and then visit the hospital wing myself. You should get back to bed." Lily was shaking her head before McGonagall could finish.

"No ma'am, sorry, but I've got to go find the other prefects. I left my patrol when I heard the commotion and haven't had a chance to notify the prefects that were taking my place. After that I'm headed back to the hospital wing to check on James myself." She spoke with an air of authority that extended well past her sixteen years.

"Well then, I shall see you there." McGonagall said with a nod. She did not protest; she knew a lost cause when she saw one.

They both took off in opposite directions, McGonagall towards the Headmaster's office, and Lily towards the Astronomy tower. It took her ten minutes to arrive, slightly out of breath. She noticed with dismay that the two prefects had already left the post to patrol, which means they could be anywhere on the top two floors. She knelt down against the far wall and dug a piece of parchment, a quill and her inkpot out of her bag, and quickly scrawled a note to her friends.

_Darrius and Mickle,_

_I'm terribly sorry I didn't meet with you at the beginning of your patrol. There was an accident I witnessed during my patrol and I had to abandon my post. I've already reported the accident and I'll update you two later. Hope I didn't make you wait and that this finds you both well._

_Evans_

She stuck the note on the wall facing the stairwell and cast _epileptus_ to make the note rapidly flash multiple colours to ensure that the prefects would notice it. She stood to leave, but glanced over the edge of the tower once more. The memory of earlier that night replayed in her head once more.

She had been looking over at the Whomping Willow in all its horrific beauty. It was strangely still tonight, she had noticed, which seemed odd. Seeing the small commotion at the base of the tree, assuming it was some wild dog or animal. And then the sounds, the ones that she doesn't think she'll ever forget. That pained shriek. The echoing barks. And one chilling final howl. And then these speckles that were at the base of the tree began moving, and as they got closer Lily could see they were people-shaped speckles, still very small from where she was standing. She watched them closer until they disappeared into the castle, paralyzed with shock. Finally, her feet began moving and she was running to the hospital wing, arriving just moments after Sirius Black and his unconscious friend.

The thought of the boys brought her back to the present. She had to go check and see how James was doing. The hospital room was much too quiet when she returned. Sirius was dozed off in the same chair she left him in, and she roused him when she walked in.

"You're back," He said quietly, and summoned a chair for her. She sat down across from him. "You just missed McGonagall and Dumbledore. McGonagall looked worried. They didn't stay long, but Dumbledore said that Remus won't be held accountable unless James…" He paused for a second, taking a deep breath. "They told Poppy that if you returned, you were allowed to stay here all night, if you wanted."

"Good." She said, with a hint of stubbornness. It seemed that both adults understood there was no point in telling either Sirius or Lily that they couldn't stay.

They sat in silence for a minute, both of them watching the unsteady rise and fall of their friend's chests. James didn't seem to be sleeping peacefully. He was drawing in ragged breaths, and sometimes it would seem like he stopped breathing altogether. Lily's face was creased with worry and Sirius' face was unreadable.

"Where's Remus?" Lily asked quietly, starting at the top of the list of topics she wanted to talk to Sirius about.

"In the woods somewhere. Dumbledore is making arrangements to find him right now. He's probably turned back by now and is passed out somewhere. I guess Hagrid, the game-keeper is going to go look for him. I was forcibly told not to go looking for him." He didn't seem very happy about the last bit.

Lily paused for a minute, not sure how to phrase her next question. "I ran into Snape." She said, her voice too loud. Sirius looked up startled, like a dog caught doing something he knew he shouldn't have been doing. "He had some pretty interesting things to say." Sirius refused to look at her, and instead stared intently at James' face.

"Why did you do it?" Her voice was deadly quiet. It was laced with venom and fire and Sirius recoiled as if it whipped him.

"It… It wasn't supposed to happen like that." He said quietly, still unable to hold Lily's gaze.

"_Wasn't supposed to happen like that_? Is that seriously all you have to say?" She was on her feet before she knew it. She grabbed Sirius by the collar of his shirt and pulled him to stand with her. "How was it '_supposed_' to happen Black? Was it supposed to be Snape lying here instead of your pal?" She hadn't realized how much her voice had risen until Sirius was begging her to keep it down.

"No! It wasn't supposed to be anyone. You have to believe me."

"I don't have to do a goddamned thing! Do you know what you could have done? Do you know what you _did_?" She pounded a fist against his chest to drive her point in. The action felt good so she hit him again. Again, again, again. Angry tears pooled in her eyes. He didn't move to stop her or get away, just took all that she threw at him. Her fists were hurting and the action of hitting him was tiring her out, so she stopped so she could yell at him more.

"Do you know how many _lives_ you could have _ruined_? Snape could have been killed! _James_ is dying! All because you can't get over your goddamned _arrogance_, you _stupid son of a_-" Her voice turned shrill and something in Sirius finally snapped.

"Will you shut up?" He shouted, grabbing her wrists tightly. "_I KNOW WHAT I DID OKAY. DO YOU THINK ANY OF THIS MAKES ME HAPPY? DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF FOR PUTTING JAMES IN DANGER?_" His anger took Lily by surprise, and she was stunned silent for a minute; only for a minute though. She shook her hands free from his grasp.

"Good." Her voice was razor sharp. "You are so selfish Sirius Black. Do you think James here is the only one you need to worry about? What about Remus! What are you going to say to him when he wakes up?" Sirius looked away ashamed, unable to look at Lily. "Do you know what it will do to him, if James dies? Hell, if it was Snape and not James, Remus would _still_ hate himself. He would _never_ be able to live with himself Black. If James dies, he could be sent to Azkaban! Hell, _you_could be sent to Azkaban."

"Trust me Evans, if James dies, I'm not going to Azkaban." Sirius said darkly.

"What the bloody fu-" She couldn't finish her sentence before Sirius continued.

"They can't send a dead man to prison." He laughed harshly before sitting down again. Lily was stunned once more. She wasn't sure if he meant what she thought he meant. Quietly, she sat down across from him.

"You can't kill two of Remus' friends at one time Sirius. You can't." She spoke softly, not meeting his gaze. "He can't lose both of you. If James doesn't make it, he's going to need you."

"He wouldn't want me." Sirius spat bitterly. "All he'd see is a murderer. I couldn't look into his eyes, him knowing I'm the reason his best friend is dead. That would kill me more than anything else."

"Sirius," Lily started, but he stood and brushed her off.

"I have to go find Peter. He wasn't there tonight, he doesn't know yet. I should tell Frank too." With that, Sirius Black made his leave.

Lily was left with her thoughts and an unconscious boy. She sat there silently for a few minutes before finally getting the courage to look at James up close.

It was bad. The sight was enough to make tears sprout in her eyes once more. The hair on the back of his head was matted with blood, staining the white hospital pillow. Whatever wound back there had been healed already but the blood was proof it was there. The scratches across his face had been healed, but the skin was still raised. She expected it would leave scarring. His eyes looked bruised and sunken. He looked so much younger without his glasses. The rest of the wounds on his bare chest were hidden under the blanket, and Lily blushed at the thought of peeking there. His breath was labored and his skin shone as if sickly. Gently as she could, she rested her head on his chest to hear his breath. She supposed the sound of his breathing should be miracle enough for her, but it did nothing to abate her nerves.

In all honesty, her nerves were shot. Not only was she tired after her early morning patrol, but the events from early this morning had her drained. She sat down in the seat that Sirius had vacated, scooted herself closer to James' bed and rested her head on the side of it.

"Please be okay," She whispered to him, and felt one last tear slide down her cheek. She closed her eyes, meaning to only rest for a few minutes, but wouldn't end up waking up for another two hours.

She opened her eyes slowly, but the light was much too bright in here so she promptly closed them again. Before the morning grogginess wore off, she was confused as to why her neck was in so much pain, and where she had fallen asleep at. A cough from over her shoulder woke her up a little more, and she suddenly remembered where she was. Her eyes flew open again, and she was met with a pair of hazel ones.

"I should wind up in the hospital wing more often," the owner of the eyes whispered softly. "If it means I wake up with you sleeping beside me." He tried to smile but it turned into a wince.

"James?" She croaked, and sat up quickly. She stared at him for a long moment, almost not believing her eyes. "You're okay?" Her voice came out as a whisper.

"A little sore," He admitted quietly. "But I'll live." His tone was joking, and Lily wasn't sure if he fully realized how close it was. The thought filled Lily's eyes with tears once more. "Hey, hey, hey, don't cry," James said worriedly.

"I'm just happy you're okay," Lily admitted softly. She took a moment to look him over. His face looked slightly better than it did when she fell asleep. The fact that his eyes were open and had life in them completely transformed his face. He wasn't wearing his glasses, and it made him look younger.

"Wow Evans, I didn't realize you cared." His playful smirk was back, and Lily couldn't help but smile in return.

"Where are your glasses?" She asked, trying to sound casual.

"No clue," He responded absently. "Must have gotten knocked off some time last night. I've got a spare pair in my room, I'll have someone fetch them for me later."

"Did they ever find Remus?" She asked, suddenly remembering the other boy. James' gaze wandered over her shoulder, and Lily turned to see the sleeping figure in the bed next to James'. "Is he okay?"

"He sleeps a lot after a transformation." James answered. "He's had a long night, and it's really exhausting for him. He's usually out for the whole day. Madam Pomfrey was already here to check on us. She wanted to move you, but I told her to let you sleep undisturbed. You looked like you needed a couple hours. I'm surprised Sirius isn't here."

"James," Lily started quietly, unsure how to ask. "Do you know why you're here? I mean, do you remember what…" She trailed off, unsure of where she wanted the sentence to go.

"What happened last night? Yah, I remember most of it." He paused to clear his raspy throat. "Padfoot and I were on our way to see Moony. I was ahead of him, he seemed to be taking an unusual amount of time. Then saw that somehow Snape had made it past the Whomping Willow, and I knew it was a bad sign. He was headed straight for the secret passage too. I had to stop him, I knew that if Moony had transformed then he would smell Snape right away, and I couldn't let that happen."

"Why were you going down to see Remus anyways? I mean, I know he's a werewolf, but you shouldn't have been going to see him should you? Isn't that just asking to be hurt?" Lily was genuinely confused.

"Well," James squirmed uncomfortably for a minute. "Werewolves are more likely to attack humans, but they don't do as much damage to other animals." He said evasively.

"Which means?"

"Sirius, Peter and I agreed to do this in fourth year. We figured that Remus wouldn't attack us if we could transfigure ourselves into animals."

"But people can't transfigure themselves into animals. And if they are transfigured, they can't transfigure themselves back either! Plus you wouldn't think like yourself anymore, you'd think like an animal, and really you'd have no control over yourself at all!"

"Exactly. So we decided to become animagi." He let his words hang in the air before he continued. "Sirius is a dog, Peter is a rat, and I am a stag. Hence the nicknames."

"Are you _crazy_? James Potter do you realize how dangerous that is? Bloody hell you were _underage_! That's _illegal_!" Her voice was too loud, and Remus coughed again.

"We realized that Evans," He said with a smirk. "But we knew it was what we had to do for Remus. So every full moon, we go out after and help him through his transformation. It at least keeps him occupied for the night, plus it keeps him from running amok. He was always worried he'd hurt someone…" His voice trailed off. His voice was different when he spoke again, muted. "He's going to hate himself for this."

"It wasn't his fault." Lily said softly, looking over at Remus. She was still entirely astonished at the newest piece of information that had been revealed, but there were more pressing issues to attend to. "Do you know why Snape was there?"

"I figured he finally pieced it together. We all knew he was suspicious of Moony, and I guess he finally spied on us enough to see we were up to something. I'm honestly surprised he hasn't noticed anything sooner. I'm just glad I got there in time to do something. I pulled Snape out of the passage and away from Remus. Before I could transform or do anything, Remus was already out. He knocked me aside, got me real good in the head, which was _slightly_ painful. I got up to make sure Snape was out of the way, and he was long gone. Moony was going to go after him, but we couldn't let that happen. So I sort of shouted at him and threw a rock at his head hoping to get his attention. It worked." He finished sheepishly.

"You almost died, you know." Lily said softly, avoiding his gaze.

"No one said anything, but McGonagall gave it away," he said, his tone matching hers. "They came to see me as soon as I woke up. She looked so relieved, and I'm almost willing to bet there were tears in her eyes. It was really weird, honestly."

"I ran into Snape. He didn't figure it out on his own." Her voice was had turned mutinous.

"Who else knows?" His voice was panicked. "People can't find out, if they know what Moony is… It's not his fault, but the stigma surrounding lycanthropy will make him an outcast." He said worriedly.

"It's nobody who didn't already know." She said, her voice dripping with venom. "Black told him how to get passed the Whomping Willow. Not directly, but I know he did it on purpose."

"You can't mean Sirius?" James said, flabbergasted. "You're talking about his brother Regulus right? Sirius would never do something that stupid, that reckless." Lily immediately regretted telling James. This new information was getting him worked up and it was draining what little colour was left in his face. "He wouldn't do that."

"Shh James, please calm down, or else Madam Pomfrey will make me leave." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. James quieted himself, but didn't look any less furious. He squeezed her hand back, obviously trying to contain himself.

"Remus can't know." He said quietly. "He'll remember what happened and he'll be angry enough at himself as it is, he can't know about Sirius' involvement. I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell him about the near-death thing, but I wouldn't be surprised if he finds out about it eventually." He sighed deeply.

"You should rest more." Lily said, running one of her hands through his hair gently. He yawned largely, accenting her point. "I could use a shower and a change anyways. I'll be back before you wake up." She promised, squeezing his hand once more.

"Hey Evans," He called as she moved for the door. "Promise you won't kill Sirius before I get a chance to talk to him?" Lily smiled softly. "You're lucky I didn't kill him last night then." He smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Lily had a feeling things would be a little uneasy between the boys for a while. She reached the door and stopped.

"Hey Potter?" She called, and he opened his eyes slowly. "I'm glad you're okay." He smiled weakly at her before resting his eyes once more. Lily left the hospital wing with her heart in her throat.


End file.
